There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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