her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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