happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
