No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
