Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
