can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
