i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My ass is underappreciated
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
