She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
