What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
