Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
