I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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