There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
