I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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