We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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