if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
