They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
