I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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