you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
