I hate your face
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
