I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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