you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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