A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
