First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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