4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
