Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize