I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
