the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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