and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
