Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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