yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
