Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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