What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
