I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
