Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
