so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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