I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
