So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
