Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
