I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
