I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we have pet lesbian snakes
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just puked most of my soul out..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
