I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
