I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
two words: eviction party
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
