Can Purell be used as lube?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
