I cut my penus on the lid.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
