so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
