You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
