i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
