Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
