my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize