dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he thought i was a dude.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dear god my vagina.
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