We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
