hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
