The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize