Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
