so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
