He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
