Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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