I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
