he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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