If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
