sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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