There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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