I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
