Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
