it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
